HARD SALAMI PRESENTS:
On the day after "Earth Day", while all the self-righteous hippies are still sleeping off all of the tree-humping, bong-hitting, capitalist-trashing antics of the day before, I plan on undoing all of the "good" they think they've accomplised.
So I hereby declare this and every future April 23rd to be "Fuck The Earth Day"!
(If you are reading this after April 23rd, don't despair, because really, shouldn't everyday be "Fuck The Earth Day"?)
There are no fast and hard rules for "Fuck The Earth Day", except one: whatever "they" say to do because it's good for the Earth, do the opposite. Some unwashed mass of jobless losers is chanting "Save the Trees"? Go out and cut down as many of the fucking things as you can. Somebody yells at you for "littering"? Tell them you call it "Decorating." And then dump over a few garbage cans in the park for good measure.
Below are a few more ideas, and designs I came up with to help convey the proper "Fuck The Earth Day" attitude. And in true capitalist spirit, you can find them all at the official Fuck The Earth Day Store.
Human Beings are at the top of the food chain, and as such we have a very great responsiblity: to kill any animal that looks at us funny, roast it's carcass over an open fire, wear it's skin over our own, and turn the bones over to Rob Zombie so he can make them into a cool chair or something.
Now you'll hear the drug-addled hippie set refer to this as specism. To that all I have to say is, "And your point is?"
Just because you're so despondent of your own humanity you want to side with the critters, doesn't mean anyone else has to leave the winning team. Seriously, climb into the lion cage at your local zoo, and see how much they appreciate your desire to be one with the animals. Let me know how that works out for you Dr. Dolittle.
The point is if most of the brain-dead losers spent half the time reseaching global warming as they do verbally regurgitating some socialist propaganda they heard at their last bong-circle, they'd know it was a crock of shit. There is NO PROOF dirrectly linking the one degree increase in the Earth's mean temperature over the last fifty years, with emmisions from cars or factories. NONE, NADDA, ZIP!
All the global warming "issue" is is an anti-capitalist, anti-corporate, and ultimately anti-American aggenda of guilt ridden yuppies (ie: aged, money ladden, hippies) looking to take down the system that got them where they are in the first place!
"We're running out of oil, we're running out of oil!" Boo-Fucking-Hoo! Let me know when we're OUT of oil, then I'll worry about "alternate means of transportation." But until that day comes, shut the fuck up.
I promise, if elected president, to solve all of the problems in the world, within 15 minutes of my inauguration speech.
This seems to be the ultimate goal of groups like PETA and Greenpeace, the destruction of mankind so no one bothers the animals anymore. Fine. You wanna dance, let's dance. I think I'll stand a pretty fair chance in front of God, how about you? But even if I am sent to hell, an eternity having the curlies plucked one at a time from my sack and the folicle holes filled with tiny drops of molten lead, will seem like bliss compared to having one more hippie whine about "the animals" or "mother nature". Fuck, I can't wait, gimme that button NOW!
Back To Work, Bitch!
All content copyright © 2006 Thomas A. Head, dumbass!
And no, you can't post the pics on your site, just link to the page it's on.